Episode Nine -- Burning Paint and Barbed Wire Jump Ropes

I. Random Thoughts

I don't know whether or not the Jews control the media, but they seem to wield quite an influence over my dog.

I remember my uncle's last words. He told me: "I may not have ever cum all over a girl's face, but I jacked off to a lot of yearbook photos."

I don't think handicapped people would be quite so depressing if we referred to them as crippadoodles.

Corn, dandruff, and snow -- think about it.

Could you imagine Hitler as a bank teller? Working the drive-though? Wouldn't that be fucked up!

My life is on a downward trajectory. I used to smell coffee roasting and listen to the bells of St. Christopher's Parish. Then for a long time I smelled Arby's roast beef and heard idiots over-enunciating "FRENCH FRIES." Now I smell pee and listen to imbeciles vomit.

I watched the first couple of Increcible Hulk movies from the late 1970s. There's a lot more sexual chemistry there than you might think would be in a movie starring Bill Bixby and the old lady from Dharma and Greg.


Ask Sherman Hemsley.

There is no God.

I can't remember my own phone number.